I miss my fiance.  I really really miss him.  I know this time apart is for his parents benefit but it still sucks not being able to even talk to him.  I can’t concentrate on anything.  I can’t sleep.  I don’t feel like myself at all.  I just keep playing his voicemail over and over again where he tells me even though we can’t see each other right now he won’t give up on us and that he loves me so much.  I just feel lost without him.  He’s my fiance and I’m not even allowed to talk to him on the fucking phone.  I hate this.  I miss him so much.

I’m so tired of the secrets.  I’m tired of the waiting.  I am impatient because I love you and I want everyone to know how happy you make me.  I want to be able to express my love for you outside of our little private world.  I don’t want to keep us hidden.  I waited so long for you and now I have you but I still feel like you’re not fully mine.  Because no one is allowed to know.  And that hurts. I understand why you want to wait but sometimes I feel like you’re just embarassed of me, when all I want is to show you off.  I love everything about you, even the flaws.  I just really love you.  I do.